If the FA had balls!

If the FA had balls

 

It passed largely unnoticed and unremarked but last Friday, 26 October 2008, was the 145^th anniversary of the first meeting of the Football Association. The discussion, over a few ales in the Freemasons Tavern in Great Queen Street, sorted out the basic rules of the game and set the illustrious governing body on its way. Fast forward some 144 years to August 2007 and a few miles to the east from that very spot, the pockmarked, snaggle-toothed mug of one Carlos Alberto Tevez is beaming for photographers as he and fellow countryman, Javier Mascherano, are paraded for the press. In a deal comparable to Spurs capture of Ardiles and Villa twenty odd years previously, West Ham had stunned the footballing world with the signing of a pair of top-notch Argies. Hammers fans dropped their jellied eels in disbelief. But it was clear to all and sundry that Carlos and Jave hadn’t waved goodbye to the land of the tango and corned beef to ply their trade in the East End for too long.

 

And so it transpired. Carlos trotted up to Old Trafford for more “love this club” badge kissing with Manchester United left scratching their heads as to who they actually had to pay for his services when the initial “loan” arrangement ran out. Amid the claims and counterclaims over the involvement of third parties in the ownership of his registration, it soon became apparent that West Ham had breached any number of Premier League rules in his unorthodox signing. That the Hammers had escaped the relegation trapdoor by the skin of their teeth whilst fielding an ineligible player did not go down well with the teams who had taken the drop, chief among them Sheffield United and their universally adored manager Neil Warnock.

 

What the mandarins at Lancaster Gate should have done when first alerted to West Ham’s indiscretions was to show strong leadership and instruct the Premier League, in no uncertain terms, to dock points from West Ham, irrespective of the consequences for league position. There are plenty of precedents for draconian action in the face of financial jiggery pokery and transfer shenanigans. What they actually did, unsurprisingly, was prevaricate and fudge, imposing an initial £5.5m fine for the third party transfer dealings which the Hammers Icelandic biscuit tycoon owner knew would be easily dwarfed by the rewards of another year on the Premier League gravy train. Sheffield United continued to press their case, the FA gratefully accepted the shovel they had been handed and kept digging, their non-appealable tribunal awarding a rather more eye-watering £30m in damages against West Ham for loss of earnings. Spurred on by their cub’s successful action (and, presumably, the cajoling of sportslawyers4U.com) a group of individual Blades players are now seeking recompense for their lowered earnings.

 

It is high time that the “big clubs” are shown that they are not above the game’s rules and regulations, and if that means making an example of one of them, so much the better. The FA are very good at being tough with behemoths like Luton and Rotherham but seem strangely less steely in their resolve at the prospect of facing down one of the  bigger members of the old boys club. Dog and Duck teams the country over know that if you get caught fielding a ringer on a Sunday morning, the league will come down on you like a ton of bricks. Why the same principles should not apply in the rarefied echelons of the Premier League is unclear. With its failure to take decisive action the sport’s governing body has gone a long way to ensuring that the courtroom and not the football field will be where contentious promotion and relegation issues will be settled in future. Good work lads! But then did you expect any less from the suits who assured us that Steve McLaren was definitely the man they had wanted for the England job all along….

 

 

Doctor Bet’s Wealth Tonic – keeping you wealthy and wise

 

Bet with other peoples money before you bet with your own.

 

Many of you will have an account with Ladbrokes, Bet365, Corals, Hills etc. Most will have one account, some of you two and far fewer have three or more.   The question is why do you not have an account with all of the leading sites?  There is no cost to have an account. You are simply giving your money away. First, all of the bookmakers offer free bets as inducements to open an account and regularly have additional offers or bonuses.  Second, by having multiple accounts you have access to the best odds available for every event you wish to bet on and have access to all of the offers in the market place. Limiting yourself to one account is simply playing into the hands of the bookmakers. They already have the betting edge in their favour, don’t make that edge any bigger than it needs to be!  

 

Bets of the week

 

We are venturing far afield this week to the NRL Grand Final in Sydney, Australia, where the Melbourne Storm take on the Manly Sea Eagles. Between them they conceded a mere 6 pts in the semi finals.  In a previous article I remarked upon how good defences nullify strong offences.   Load up on a points tally of under 34, available at even money with a number of firms and dont forget to take advantage of those free bets.

 

Be careful what you ask for – Part II

Be careful what you wish for Part II – Newcastle United

 

Ah Newcastle, what evocative images that marvellous old name conjures up – Jackie Milburn looking forward to a simple dinner of a little fishy, on a little dishy, washed down with a bottle of broon. But all is not well in the land of Jimmy Nail, not well at all.

 

A few short months ago, the Toon Army were rejoicing. Upstanding members of society Freddy Sheppard and Co had been cast out of St James Park and the club’s salvation had come via that cheeky-chappy pedlar of chav wear Mike Ashley. Luverley jubberly, as they started to say up on the Tyne. Not only did Ashley take his considerable personal fortune up the A1(M), he cemented his place in the hearts of all Geordies by bringing back one of their favourites sons into the managerial fold, Joseph Kevin Keegan. The planets had again aligned and the future could hold nothing but never-ending success. Surely?

 

Keegan, Newcastle United Football Club and the Toon Army were, most definitely, made for each other. Keegan, he of the dodgy perm, best-passed-over pop career and a strange aversion to kipping in his Range Rover was undoubtedly a stellar talent as a player. But as a manager, it’s a different story. Spells at Newcastle, Fulham and Man City were memorable only for Kev’s adherence to the singular tactic of fielding a starting 11 comprised of two wingers, eight centre forwards and Norman Wisdom in goal, and for “loving it” if Newcastle could hang on to a seemingly insurmountable points advantage over Man Utd to grab the Premiership title –  they couldn’t. Beyond the limits of reason, Keegan was also given a shot at the England job. The country roundly thanked him for overseeing defeat in the last ever game at Wembley Stadium at the hands of the our old foes the Germans.

 

Newcastle United are a great club. In the same way that Blackpool and Old Etonians are great clubs. Namely, that they won things a very, very long time ago. The last time Newcastle won anything of note, the faces in the crowd were wearing flat caps to a man. But the supporters are so passionate about their team! Indeed they are. On the day of St Kevin’s appointment, fans queued round the block to pick up tickets for that night’s League Cup match against lower opposition, tickets let it not be forgotten, for seats that would have been left empty otherwise. Had it not been for King Kev, the game would have been played out in a near  deserted stadium.  Newcastle do play to large crowds, in the Premiership, but then it’s not really that difficult to get bums on seats for games against Liverpool, Man Utd and co. And all the while the Toon Army drone on monotonously about the success that should be the club’s birthright with the media complicit in their continuing delusions of greatness. It is, apparently, a given that the fans of clubs from gritty places oop north that used to make things are more steadfast in their support than those of fey, southern nancy types. They stick with their club through thick and thin. Strangely at odds to this popular myth, I cherish a personal reminiscence of watching Newcastle host Cambridge United in an old second division game in the mid-eighties. A match played in a dilapidated stadium which, if memory serves, was nigh-on empty. What sort of attendances would St James Park see after a prolonged spell outside the top flight I wonder?

 

So what caused the dream to sour, you may well ask. Southerners! And not only that, but a veritable “Kerknee marfeeah” as the shell suit clad denizens of Tyneside will tell you. With mini-me thug Dennis Wise brought in as Kev’s boss and upsetting the locals by insisting on wearing his pearly king suit to matches, it was only a matter of time before things came to a head. Keegan stormed out in a strop. Again. Mike Ashley put the club up for sale on the grounds that he can’t take his kiddiwinks to games and the Toon Army are hoping for a rich foreign sort to come to the club’s rescue and bring back the good times.

 

It brings a lump to your throat, doesn’t it!

 

Doctor Bet’s wealth tonic – keeping you wealthy and wise

“To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent” – Buddha

Knowing your facts and stats is essential as a punter.  There is no substitute for doing your homework and finding out every relevant factor influencing your bet.  The results can be astounding and hugely profitable for those who identify trends or opportunities unseen by others.  Approximately twenty years ago one of the greatest betting stings in history was executed by a nondescript individual who had noticed a statistic that virtually no else had ever thought about.  What were the chances of someone getting a hole in one at the British Open?  Up and down the country he travelled, frequenting back street bookmakers asking the owner to give him a price on a hole in one.  Well, when do you ever see one of those?  At hundreds of bookmakers bets were placed for a few pounds only, so as not to bring attention to his activities, at prices ranging from 20-1 to 100-1.  By the start of the event he stood to win a cool half a million pounds.  That is over a million in todays’ money.  The odds of a hole in one occurring at a major event are in fact around even money! The hole in one happened, the faceless punter collected his fortune and the rest as they say is history……..Do you think he had the nerve to ask if they had any free bets offers!!

 

Bets of the week

 

In keeping with the earlier part of my column I can’t pass up the opportunity to back against Newcastle until they sort their domestic issues out.  Fill your boots with the true cockney pearly kings, West Ham, to pile more misery on the Toon.  The Hammers are readily available at evens.